well im pretty sure the end is near for me.

im fucking sick of this shit holding me down

i have been dead on the inside for 6 years

and its not getting better

i scream for help and nobody listens

the only man that ever understood me as a human and what i have gone through

i let him down

i couldnt be the girl he needed in his life

i made him cry on his fucking birthday

what kind of a gf does that

we broke up 3 weeks ago and its just getting harder

if i cant be brave for him than whoelse is there for me

i let both of us down

i let this shit eat me alive 

and now its suffocated me to the core

im through with this shit

hes my entire life and i let him walk away

all because my anxiety held me down

ITS MY FUCKING BRAIN WHY CANT I CONTROL IT

i put on a smile everyday but its fake

i try to hide the pain with meaningless tasks

i try to pretend that everything is ok

its not ok

ive tried to call him...his phone is disconnected cause he hasnt paid the bill

he moved at the beginning of the month and all i know is that its downtown

he got a new job at some resturaunt in yaletown....and i dont no where

everytime i ask him where he just says that there is no point in telling me because i

couldnt go anyways

there anyways and he doesnt wanna hafta keep loooking up hoping im there.

the only way i can talk to him is on fb

and he only checks that like once a week now because

he no longer has a computer

im sick of this

this is the end for me

im falling off the edge

and if he isnt there to pick me up

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diamondrainbow said:

... Hi I am here. Sometimes things have a way of working themselves out. If he loves you he will come back to you. You are lucky you can love. My brain won't allow it even though I am married with kids. I have lived a lie for years and it eats me up. I have never told my husband that I have ocd and bad anxiety, I have hidden it for years and I hate my brain to pieces but I am going to find away of fighting. Like you I keep myself busy, infact I am an artist. I hate the days when my brain just keeps bringing up all of the crap from my past, especially the guilt. Keep trying to find away, make sure you are eating well and maybe get yourself on vitamin B for energy, fish oil and magnisium, that all helps, if you can't aford it at least take some vitamin b for energy because if you are like me, if you are tired you are cranky. I hope I have helped some?? This is my first time on here. Good luck and please keep trying to find your path.

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October 13, 2008
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diamondrainbow said:

... Hi I am here. Sometimes things have a way of working themselves out. If he loves you he will come back to you. You are lucky you can love. My brain won't allow it even though I am married with kids. I have lived a lie for years and it eats me up. I have never told my husband that I have ocd and bad anxiety, I have hidden it for years and I hate my brain to pieces but I am going to find away of fighting. Like you I keep myself busy, infact I am an artist. I hate the days when my brain just keeps bringing up all of the crap from my past, especially the guilt. Keep trying to find away, make sure you are eating well and maybe get yourself on vitamin B for energy, fish oil and magnisium, that all helps, if you can't aford it at least take some vitamin b for energy because if you are like me, if you are tired you are cranky. I hope I have helped some?? This is my first time on here. Good luck and please keep trying to find your path.

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October 13, 2008
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Kellybeth said:

... I know how hard it can be. I lost my boyfriend of 15 years in January. I found out he had been cheating on me and I ended the relationship. With out him I felt like I had no one. No where to go and no one I could count on. You will get past this. How long were you together? If you two were ment to be, you will be. You have to be strong for yourself. Your Bf is not all that you are. Trust me things will get better even though it seems like it won't right now. You are strong you will overcome this.

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October 13, 2008
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Kellybeth said:

... I know how hard it can be. I lost my boyfriend of 15 years in January. I found out he had been cheating on me and I ended the relationship. With out him I felt like I had no one. No where to go and no one I could count on. You will get past this. How long were you together? If you two were ment to be, you will be. You have to be strong for yourself. Your Bf is not all that you are. Trust me things will get better even though it seems like it won't right now. You are strong you will overcome this.

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October 13, 2008
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rippelk2 said:

... It seems like your boyfriend really loved you and I'm sure that he still does love you. I feel like if you wrote him a heart felt apology, told him, I need to see you, told him how miserable you are without him and that he completes you he would come back to you, you would pick him back up (because I am sure that he is so miserable) and he would pick you back up. You would begin a process of healing together. Don't stop fighting for him if you love him and you know that he loves you. By the way, I don't know if you wanted to make this in the format of a poem, but it is beautiful and expresses so much of what I have felt before as I'm sure what a lot of other people have felt on here as well. If you enjoy writing poetry, keep up with it because it can be an outlet for your anxiety. Never give up on yourself, keep going to therapy and learning how to train your mind and change your thought patterns, find a medication that works for you if you feel that hopeless, maybe it is time to try something new. Never give up hope and know that we have all felt like this at some point in our panic stricken lives and a lot of us on this site probably feel exactly the way you feel right now. You are not alone. Stay strong. (((hugs)))

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October 13, 2008
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rippelk2 said:

... It seems like your boyfriend really loved you and I'm sure that he still does love you. I feel like if you wrote him a heart felt apology, told him, I need to see you, told him how miserable you are without him and that he completes you he would come back to you, you would pick him back up (because I am sure that he is so miserable) and he would pick you back up. You would begin a process of healing together. Don't stop fighting for him if you love him and you know that he loves you. By the way, I don't know if you wanted to make this in the format of a poem, but it is beautiful and expresses so much of what I have felt before as I'm sure what a lot of other people have felt on here as well. If you enjoy writing poetry, keep up with it because it can be an outlet for your anxiety. Never give up on yourself, keep going to therapy and learning how to train your mind and change your thought patterns, find a medication that works for you if you feel that hopeless, maybe it is time to try something new. Never give up hope and know that we have all felt like this at some point in our panic stricken lives and a lot of us on this site probably feel exactly the way you feel right now. You are not alone. Stay strong. (((hugs)))

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October 13, 2008
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kate27 said:

	... I get it. I'm there, maybe a few months further along, but there. I gets better in such agonizingly slow increaments. But "this too, will pass" Hang in there babe.
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October 15, 2008
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kate27 said:

	... I get it. I'm there, maybe a few months further along, but there. I gets better in such agonizingly slow increaments. But "this too, will pass" Hang in there babe.
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October 15, 2008
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substance said:

	... thats funny that u said that....im wanting to get "this too shall pass"tattooed around my wrist...it helps me alot i just cant remember it in sticky situations
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October 18, 2008
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substance said:

	... thats funny that u said that....im wanting to get "this too shall pass"tattooed around my wrist...it helps me alot i just cant remember it in sticky situations
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October 18, 2008
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