Well, my panic is really getting me down. It's drilling me pretty far into the ground. It is so discouraging because I have gotten so far from where I was when this horrible disorder decided to come out and say hello and ruin my life.  I feel like everything I have worked for and everything I continue to try just keeps getting shut down. I am getting worse every day and I don't understand it. As many of you have followed along, I have a thread in the medications forum on prozac and my trials with it. It will be 2 weeks of me being on it (10mg) on Saturday. It has caused so many horrible side effects for me and only seems to be making my anxiety worse. The worst side effects it is causing me is insomnia, intense nausea, sweating, dizzyness, and making my panic worse. I wish I could just get off of this but I refuse to give up. I'm giving it at least 3 months. A lot of people say that most side effects go away in 2 weeks but mine seem to only be getting worse.  I think some of this may be in my head and I may be causing it to get worse from thinking about it too much because I have tended to do that a lot in my lifetime (make myself get sick from being worried about getting sick), but this is all just so frustrating. I'm at one of the most important places in my life right now where I really need to be on top of my game 110% and it's so hard. It is my last semester of college. I graduate in December and will have my degree in January. I have a full course load, 6 classes and 17 credits. Tues/Thurs I have 10 hours of classes in a row from 8:10-6 straight. It's so hard to even find time to eat a snack to keep me going. And I'm so anxious and panicky on these days and it only makes it worse that if I couldn't go to a class or I had to miss one of those days, I would miss 5 classes and the pressure of that is so intense it only feeds my panic. Then on monday and wednesdays I'm helping a faculty member, also one of my teachers, conduct a psychological experiment on students at my school. I work 3 hours each day about and will soon have to be testing students one on one (the test is an hour long). After I graduate my whole life will be changing because I will be moving out to washington d.c. to be with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. The stress of all of it is already causing me to lose sleep. I'm very addicted to my "comfort zone" which stems from about NYC to MASS. I will have to find a job immediately in order to pay my bills. I need to find a graduate school out there too. I'm petrified of life. I hate growing up and don't know how I am graduating already when it feels like I graduated high school just the other day. I'm getting kicked down by this panic. Will it ever go away. Will I ever live a normal life again with normal stress levels and normal anxiety? I know that all that is going on in my life right now would be super stressful and anxiety provoking for anyone and I accept that but I just only wish to live like someone without panic. Will I ever? This is taking over. It's like a big black cloud and I'm straining to see any light to lead my way at all. I haven't missed any classes yet, however I've had a couple bathroom moments (I think a lot of people know what i'm talking about in multiple different ways b/w composing myself and being sick). I get everything accomplished still, however, I'm not proud of myself because even though I managed...it's NOT manageable. It is torture each and every single day. I pray for a day where I don't have this. If there is a day that will ever happen.  I truely think this is one of the worst disorders anyone can possibly have... I could use some words of encouragement.

 Thanks for listening... 

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nile said:

... I am new and wish I could offer ecouragement, but I can't atleast not the kind you probaly need. Yet let me say this. I have been suffering from anxiety my whole life. Once in a while I would get full blown panic attacks. Last year I was so bad that I would not leave the house without being able to get back quickly. Now I am able to do this. I never took meds, yet a doctor prescribed me 2mg ativan, and just having it in my pocketbook helps me get past. When I wake up in a panic I work through it, by doing something silly, like dancing like a ballerina etc...and just knowing if all else fails I can take my ativan has helped me. Yet know I am going through a serious head cold and not being able to breath is driving me crazy....I can not find a dr that will refill my aivan......this is no way to live, panic disorder is crippling. I don't even think the drs take it seriously I hope you fell better soon

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September 27, 2008
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rippelk2 said:

	... Thank you nile, I hope you do as well. And you should be able to find another doctor to refill that prescription that is ludacris. Do you see a therapist/psychiatrist?
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September 27, 2008
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CMDW1966 said:

... Hello rippelk2, I know how you feel. Ive suffered from anxiety & panic attacks for over 15yrs. Eventually I got thru it. It took 2 neurologists, 1 psychiatrist, a MRI & several medications to get there. Just recently after taking new medication for diabetes, the anxiety attacks came back (side effect from the meds) I have a very sensitive system when it comes to new meds, so I had to get off the diabetes meds until the anxiety attacks are under control. I try to stay positive that this will pass, as it has in the future. I wish you well & remember..if one doctor isnt helping, get 2nd opinions if necessary. This is your (mental) health & YOU are in charge, the doctor's are there only to help, but no one doctor is perfect. Feel better & dont give up hope!

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September 28, 2008
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substance said:

... i used to be on ativan myself...i took it alot and it really messed me up tho...its hard to get it prescribed becuase its a narcotic...but i definatly no how much safer you feel with it...and as for your course load i dont no how u manage it. i want u to know that u are an inspiration to me. ur anxiety is striking you very hard right now yet u refuse to give up on ur dreams and ur wishes...take care of yourself

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September 30, 2008
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