Hello everyone, glad to be back

Wow alot has happened since my last entry.  Where to start?

Well, my boyfriend and I aren't fighting at all anymore, which helps with the anxiety.  However, he started having panic attacks a couple months ago and got on lexapro.  I have to say that it's hard knowing that he has panic attacks too now.  I feel nervous sometimes that I will have to comfort him instead of leaning on him, which is scary, but so far is alright.  That job that I had just gotten with the studio-out the door.  Yeah, I quit.  It wasn't the great opportunity that I thought it would be.  In fact it wasn't an opportunity at all.  The people I worked for didn't follow through with their word and just like that I was gone.  That job made me more stressed though, so it's better that it's gone.  I did have a siezure there while at work one day which made it very scary for me to go back to that place every single day.  My boyfriend and my family are making progress, granted it's very very slow, but still it is progress.  He is on complete talking terms with my dad's side of the family, including grandparents.  My mom's side, however, isn't getting any better, for me or him.  She doesn't say it, but I believe she still thinks I'm a lesbian.  Just little things she says or observations she makes.  For example, I invited her and my two sisters to join me at a bellydance masquerade, she accepted and asked why I like bellydance so much.  I replied by saying, "Just the dance itself, and all of it's style, and morale.  It's about showing off our femininity and being proud to be women, and accepting every woman for who she is, not because of her weight, but as a person of beauty.  It's just so beautiful!"

She asked very interrogatively, "What is about women?  Why do you think they're so beautiful?"

I knew instantly what she was hinting at and it made me so angry!  But I kept my cool and just answered, "Well being proud to be a woman is beautiful."

But it's little things like that that lead me to believe that she still sees me as a lesbian.  This past Sunday was my birthday and as usual, I have to have different meals with different sides of the family because God forbid they should all be in the same room     -anyway-

I asked him if he would accompany me to both meals, but he refused saying that he didn't feel comfortable around them at all.  Sure my dad and him are on speaking terms, but  that doesn't mean he'll ever forget what happened at the hospital.  Something that serious takes a little more than an apology.  So I understood, but was just dissapointed.  Not that I don't notice and appreciate EVERYTHING he's done for me, but it's just I know that he will try harder than my family will, and right now THEY'RE trying.  It's just hard when they ask, "Where's Geno?", "Where's Geno?", "Where's Geno?".  It's not like I can just come out and say, "Well he forgives you, but can't forget and still doesn't like you."   And I know my family.  When you constantly skip out of invited events, they'll look down on you, and I don't want their relationship to fizzle again.

But yeah, that's an update for now.  I'll write more tomorrow

P.S.

I hope everyone is doing alright and is feeling better than before! 

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rippelk2 said:

... So glad to hear that things are looking up for you. I am glad that your boyfriend is coming on speaking terms with your dad. Ever little bit counts and you can't forget that. It is completely understandable where he is coming from with how your family treated him, however, I completely understand the family starting to look down on him for not coming to invited events because I've been there b4. It's a really hard situation that is going to take work and patience. I wish you happiness. p.s. whenever you get to that book and finish it I want a signed and autographed copy! haha! :p

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August 22, 2008
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rippelk2 said:

... So glad to hear that things are looking up for you. I am glad that your boyfriend is coming on speaking terms with your dad. Ever little bit counts and you can't forget that. It is completely understandable where he is coming from with how your family treated him, however, I completely understand the family starting to look down on him for not coming to invited events because I've been there b4. It's a really hard situation that is going to take work and patience. I wish you happiness. p.s. whenever you get to that book and finish it I want a signed and autographed copy! haha! :p

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August 22, 2008
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rippelk2 said:

	... oh i almost forgot! WELCOME BACK!!!!!! I MISSED YOU!!!
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August 22, 2008
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rippelk2 said:

	... oh i almost forgot! WELCOME BACK!!!!!! I MISSED YOU!!!
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August 22, 2008
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sasha said:

	... I will save the first copy for you! hehe I missed you too! :)
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August 22, 2008
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sasha said:

	... I will save the first copy for you! hehe I missed you too! :)
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August 22, 2008
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