I am entering a new chapter in my life and although it is kind of exciting, it is scary too.  My mom moved back to PA after living with us for almost four years to care for my daughter.  Although I was a little sad, I was mostly glad.  She has some really bad habits and she was becoming a negative in my life.  I think I will be much better off without that daily dose of negativity.  I'm more sad for my daughter......but she is adjusting and doing well.

I went back to work after being gone on worker's comp for 6 months.  I am glad to be back but it 's (along with my mom leaving and my marital issues) causing me a great deal of anxiety.  I have been having alot of headaches, dizziness, depersonalization during the last two weeks and several panicky times while driving.  So I am taking more Klonopin than I have had to for a while and I know it;s okay and temporary.  I will adjust to the new routine...for however long it lasts.

So onto the marital issues.  We continue to discuss the dissolution of our marriage and subsequent plan for me and my daughter to move to PA.  Even though we have come to this decision and both feel it is for the best...it is very difficult for me to proceed.  I guess the status quo is so comfortable to me that I fear moving on.  What if I am no happier on the other side.  At least now I have the security of my job and house and routine.  And my husband is stable right now so I feel I can just go on as is.  Yeah we re roommates...but it's been that way for so long........I do want more out of life......it just seems like such an outrageous obstacle has to be overcome in order to get there.  I am just taking it day by day for now.

I am going with my friend to see Rod Stewart and Bryan Adams next weekend.......and then to see Air Supply a few weeks after that.  If there is one thing I have learned is that I have to do things that are fun and make me feel happy and motivated about life.  I also finished a "short" video project for my nephew.  It is a one song movie containing video clips/photos-similar ot the movies I have done of my daughter but short...thus the name.  I'll post the site when it is online......I highly recommend this for anyone wanting to have an awesome DVD of kids/family/etc.

lamy 

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ceejay said:

	... Dear lamy - Wow those are some big changes! Sounds like you're doing all the right things, especially taking care of yourself!! Excellent foundation for whatever lies ahead! Keep us posted! Love, Cindy
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July 27, 2008
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cedar said:

... Can I go see Rod Stewart too!!! He is one of my very favorites!!!! As Cindy said you seem to be in a pretty good place but I think you are selling yourself just a bit short. You deserve more than what you are getting in your personal relationship. While I know that no one else can make you happy(that has to come from within) but you can be more fulfilled and satisfied in an emotionally connected relationship. You just need this jumpstart to make it happen. Never "settle" for an unfulfilling relationship. It just builds resentment over time. You deserve the best that you can get. So get out there and "get" it.

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July 27, 2008
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lamy12 said:

... Thanks Cedar...beleive me, I know what you say is true. I just need to get motivated to make the changes I need to make. It really sucks being in your 30's and having no intimate relationship and no hopes of having one. It is lonely. I know that that alone won't make me happy.....I know that comes f rom within....but it sure wouldn't hurt!!! I wish I could take ya with me to Rod Stewart!!! love lamy

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July 28, 2008
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scooby said:

... lamy, can I come to all the concerts too???? :grin Isn't it funny how when things are "ok" at home, we second guess our decisions and think we "should" just get on with it? But I think we all deserve happiness in our relationships, at the very least. Give yourself a chance to find it, if it doesn't happen the way you expect, at least you won't be stuck feeling underwhelmed in your marriage for the next 50 years. HUGS XXX

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July 28, 2008
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lamy12 said:

... Hi Scooby~I wish you could go to the concerts with me....all of you guys!!!! My husband was supposed to go but since my mom left he is now going to be home babysitting while I take my friend to the concerts for her birthday!!! Poetic justice if you ask me!!! It's going to be a blast!!!!! If only Barbra Streisand was a guest star and came out to sing I FInally Found Someone with Bryan Adams!!!! Not that would be awesome!! Anyway...love all you guys!! lamy

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July 28, 2008
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