Things have been going very well.  I have been challenging myself everyday, and succeeding.

 But I have that nagging voice telling me that things have been going so well, they are bound to get bad again.

The devil on my shoulder is saying:

you are fat...weak...a bad mother...you contribute nothing..scared...judgemental...old...pale..

too many freckles...lazy

The angel is saying: you can excercise more and make better food choices...your kid's are healthy and happy and thriving with their father deployed.  You took them with some friends to an amusement park 3 HOURS AWAY!  The other adult offered to drive, but you wanted to do it yourself.  Do you remember what a hard time you had last year with the water park?  You had a blast!  You picked out new floor for the kitchen and bathrooms and had it installed AND you took out the toilets and put them back in BY YOURSELF!

:  You are spending too much money.  Your husband won't be back for months.  You are drifting apart.  Your kids are lazy and greedy.  The garbage disposal is broken.  Everything keeps breaking.  You clean and clean, but never get anywhere.  The yard needs weeding.  Your flowers look like crap and your garden didn't turn out so well.

:   Financially you are ok...just watch the frivolous spending.  Hubby will be back in 5 months, you have 10 down - 2/3 of the way there.  You can reconnect with your husband.  Take the time everyday to write a real email to him, share all of the 'little' things that you would share at dinner.  He loves you!  fix what you can fix, call a repair person for the others.  Get the boys to help with the weeding.  Pull out what didn't grow and plant some new things.

:  If you have to listen to one more story about Halo 3, one more plan about all the things your boys want to buy, or one more plot of iCarly, you are going to hurl!

:  You boys are trying to include you in their lives - pay attention.  There may be a day when they won't talk to you!

I need to flick off the devil....or turn up the volume on the angel! 

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scooby said:

	... I can really relate to that positive/negative self feedback earthmama. When the negative stuff strikes, ask yourself - Do I REALLY believe that? The answer is usually no! You're doing great!
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July 19, 2008
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scooby said:

	... I can really relate to that positive/negative self feedback earthmama. When the negative stuff strikes, ask yourself - Do I REALLY believe that? The answer is usually no! You're doing great!
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July 19, 2008
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cldjcksn said:

	... I have to agree with scooby. You are doing great. I too normally don't listen to the negative side... :) I've been reading your articles for a while now, and I appreciate your honesty. I've been reading this blog too, it's really good, you can check it out if you have the time: http://anxiousangst.blogspot.com/
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July 21, 2008
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cldjcksn said:

	... I have to agree with scooby. You are doing great. I too normally don't listen to the negative side... :) I've been reading your articles for a while now, and I appreciate your honesty. I've been reading this blog too, it's really good, you can check it out if you have the time: http://anxiousangst.blogspot.com/
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July 21, 2008
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ceejay said:

... earthmama - great BLOG!!! I think if you keep writing out those Devil/Angel thoughts you will find that the Devil gets softer and softer and the Angel gets louder and louder!!! The bad guy is just silly stuff we say to ourselves when we think we need to "smack ourselves down" -- but as we get older we realize that we can handle some unmitigated joy and even some pride and we're not going to turn into a spoiled brat or a conceited bitch! So enjoy your good stuff -- stick with those positive voices .... and use these blogs to make that Devil shut up! Congratulations on dealing SO WELL with this deployment!!! AWESOME!!!!

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July 23, 2008
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ceejay said:

... earthmama - great BLOG!!! I think if you keep writing out those Devil/Angel thoughts you will find that the Devil gets softer and softer and the Angel gets louder and louder!!! The bad guy is just silly stuff we say to ourselves when we think we need to "smack ourselves down" -- but as we get older we realize that we can handle some unmitigated joy and even some pride and we're not going to turn into a spoiled brat or a conceited bitch! So enjoy your good stuff -- stick with those positive voices .... and use these blogs to make that Devil shut up! Congratulations on dealing SO WELL with this deployment!!! AWESOME!!!!

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July 23, 2008
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