Things have been going very well. I have been challenging myself everyday, and succeeding.
But I have that nagging voice telling me that things have been going so well, they are bound to get bad again.
The devil on my shoulder is saying:
you are fat...weak...a bad mother...you contribute nothing..scared...judgemental...old...pale..
too many freckles...lazy
The angel is saying: you can excercise more and make better food choices...your kid's are healthy and happy and thriving with their father deployed. You took them with some friends to an amusement park 3 HOURS AWAY! The other adult offered to drive, but you wanted to do it yourself. Do you remember what a hard time you had last year with the water park? You had a blast! You picked out new floor for the kitchen and bathrooms and had it installed AND you took out the toilets and put them back in BY YOURSELF!
: You are spending too much money. Your husband won't be back for months. You are drifting apart. Your kids are lazy and greedy. The garbage disposal is broken. Everything keeps breaking. You clean and clean, but never get anywhere. The yard needs weeding. Your flowers look like crap and your garden didn't turn out so well.
: Financially you are ok...just watch the frivolous spending. Hubby will be back in 5 months, you have 10 down - 2/3 of the way there. You can reconnect with your husband. Take the time everyday to write a real email to him, share all of the 'little' things that you would share at dinner. He loves you! fix what you can fix, call a repair person for the others. Get the boys to help with the weeding. Pull out what didn't grow and plant some new things.
: If you have to listen to one more story about Halo 3, one more plan about all the things your boys want to buy, or one more plot of iCarly, you are going to hurl!
: You boys are trying to include you in their lives - pay attention. There may be a day when they won't talk to you!
I need to flick off the devil....or turn up the volume on the angel!