Over the past couple of years, I have lost what I have considered to be very good friends.  It seems that while they were mostly all disconnected with each other, there was one common thread.  Calling to task what a friend is.  Perhaps, I so badly want friends that I am willing to ignore the red flags and signals I get from within telling me to stay away .  So far, all that has gotten me is hurt.  Life isn't worth living if we aren't learning so here is what I have learned about friendship:

1. Someone who asks you to jeopardize your well being for their own is not a friend.

2. Someone who passes judgment on you without giving you the chance to explain is not your friend.

3. Similar to number 2 Someone who would rather think negativly about you then hear the truth is not your friend.

4.  Friendships are a two way streak.  A phone call only when someone wants something from you is NOT a phone call from a friend. 

5.  It is good to do nice things for a friend and not expect anything in return BUT if there is any doubt in your mind that they would do the same for you then DON'T DO IT.

6. A true friend would defend your charactor to anyone if it were to ever be called into question.

I seem to have written more about judgments and charactor then I had intended.  I guess this is sort of what has been happening to me lately.  People thinking the worst of me and just assuming they have the answer when they don't.  

I am a good, caring, and very sensitive person.  I would walk to the ends of the earth for my friends but no longer will I do it at my own peril.  There have only been a couple of people in my life that have stood up for me.  They know my charactor and my intentions.  I feel so grateful to those people and so sorry for the ones I have lost along the way.

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ceejay said:

... Dear lrouse, I can't imagine what you could have done that would cause your friends to think ill of you or to pass judgments on you. Whatever it was must have really gotten out of control and out of context!!! I think for most of us, as we grow older, our friendships do mature. We can't sustain those inch-deep friendships like we could when we were younger. I use that phrase "inch-deep" to describe the acquaintences I've had that are like those you describe - people who gossip, people who make assumptions, people who don't seem to really care about the deeper me. As I've gotten older, I've also gotten deeper. I needed to in order to overcome Panic and Anxiety. One of the by-products of having a deep, spiritual and meaningful life is that I don't seem to have the tolerance for falsehood and fakery that I used to. I mean, I can tolerate it in others, but I don't choose to be around it. I am happy to be by myself. I love writing, painting, and working in my garden. I love my kids and my husband. I love working on the Internet (like here at PS) and I love the different activities I do -- volunteer work mostly. So I don't have as many "friends" as I used to -- but those that I do are true friends. I am to them, and they are to me. You will find that you appreciate them so much. And they appreciate you. Weeding out the "inch-deep" people is like cleaning out your garden. It grows so much more lush and healthy without all the distractions! Do feel the sadness and the loss - that is real. But don't let that bother you too much. Feeling ALL the feelings is part of a healthy life!! You're an awesome woman, and any friend who is truly your friend knows that! Hugs, Cindy

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May 27, 2008
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ceejay said:

... Dear lrouse, I can't imagine what you could have done that would cause your friends to think ill of you or to pass judgments on you. Whatever it was must have really gotten out of control and out of context!!! I think for most of us, as we grow older, our friendships do mature. We can't sustain those inch-deep friendships like we could when we were younger. I use that phrase "inch-deep" to describe the acquaintences I've had that are like those you describe - people who gossip, people who make assumptions, people who don't seem to really care about the deeper me. As I've gotten older, I've also gotten deeper. I needed to in order to overcome Panic and Anxiety. One of the by-products of having a deep, spiritual and meaningful life is that I don't seem to have the tolerance for falsehood and fakery that I used to. I mean, I can tolerate it in others, but I don't choose to be around it. I am happy to be by myself. I love writing, painting, and working in my garden. I love my kids and my husband. I love working on the Internet (like here at PS) and I love the different activities I do -- volunteer work mostly. So I don't have as many "friends" as I used to -- but those that I do are true friends. I am to them, and they are to me. You will find that you appreciate them so much. And they appreciate you. Weeding out the "inch-deep" people is like cleaning out your garden. It grows so much more lush and healthy without all the distractions! Do feel the sadness and the loss - that is real. But don't let that bother you too much. Feeling ALL the feelings is part of a healthy life!! You're an awesome woman, and any friend who is truly your friend knows that! Hugs, Cindy

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May 27, 2008
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lamy12 said:

... I know what you mean about people. Many are petty and selfish or only "inch deep" as CJ said. I too have found that as I have gotten into my mid thirties, I just have so mnay other fulfilling things to do with my time that I am not engaged so much with people that do not add a meaningful relationship to my life. I mean I have lots of acquaintances that each have something to offer in their own unique way here and there....but not the long lasting friendships I am looking for in my life...if that makes sense. It was kind of sad for me to realize that about people...but on the other hand I truly value those special ones. And those are the ones that will always be there...no matter what. Now I look forward to teaching my daughter these things.....things noone ever really talked with me about as a child, teen or young adult. That's what I love about this site. SO much insight and caring people. lamy

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June 02, 2008
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lamy12 said:

... I know what you mean about people. Many are petty and selfish or only "inch deep" as CJ said. I too have found that as I have gotten into my mid thirties, I just have so mnay other fulfilling things to do with my time that I am not engaged so much with people that do not add a meaningful relationship to my life. I mean I have lots of acquaintances that each have something to offer in their own unique way here and there....but not the long lasting friendships I am looking for in my life...if that makes sense. It was kind of sad for me to realize that about people...but on the other hand I truly value those special ones. And those are the ones that will always be there...no matter what. Now I look forward to teaching my daughter these things.....things noone ever really talked with me about as a child, teen or young adult. That's what I love about this site. SO much insight and caring people. lamy

report abuse vote down vote up

June 02, 2008
Votes: +0