Not a good day or night.

Had a rough day the other day. Woke up feeling real good. Talked to my aunt on the phone. While I was talking to her I had a call beeping in on the line. Never looked to see who it was just answered it. Turns out it was a nasty call to me. Terrible things were said about me and it just ruined my whole day. That night it bothered me sooooo bad that when I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth I started to feel real dizzy. I was going into a panic attack. I had to sit myself on the floor and hope that I would not pass out from this one. It seemed like I was sitting on the floor with my head down for an eternity. I think I was in there for half an hour. When it finally passed all I could do was sit there and just cry. My stress level was so high that day. I just wanted to run away to where no one would find me or my daughter. Some people that don't even know me can be so cruel and vicious with there words and stories. But I have a feeling they got there informantion from my daughters father. They just knew to much to say what they had to say to me and that really hurts. It still makes me sick my stomach and it's like the words just keep spinning in my head and won't go away. When I did mention this to my daughters father he just had this look on his face like he knew he had said those things to people and never defended me or what was said.

3. 27-05-2008 11:35

Yes people can be hurtful and spiteful. I know it was my daughters fathers ex-girlfriend who put someone up to calling me and saying those things to me. It seemed they just knew too much info about me. I know he still cares for her and still probably loves her. As for me I don\'t think I mean anything at all to him. I\'m just here taking up space. All he wants is his daughter here and not me. It shows alot with him that he really could careless about me. His kids from his first marriage are suppose to come and spend the summer her with us but I feel as usual i\'m just gonna be the built in babysitter for them and thats all. It\'s his Birthday today and I know the ex-girlfriend will be calling him and as usual he will take her call. He said he would not take her calls or talk to her anymore but he\'s still doing it behind my back. He has no idea how much that really hurts me and when I find out about it all my depression and anxiety sets it self into full force. I get the nausea, dizziness and shakes and just want to run away. It\'s not like some one likes to inform me of all the calls to him. I know it is unpurpose. I feel they are trying to run me off and away from him. I don\'t even know where I stand as far as any relationship goes with him. He never wants to talk about it. Always has the excuse of do we have to talk about this right now. Well thats enough to bring on the depression again just thinking that you know you are not wanted. He\'s pushing me away from him to the point I don\'t want to be around him anymore but I can\'t help think that that is what he probably wants anyway. I would never ever leave and leave my daughter with him. She goes where I go whether he likes it or not. We didn\'t even do anything for memorial day. He was working and when he got home fell asleep on the couch. I gave up and went to bed. I don\'t know that trying to make any effort with him would even matter at this point so I just focus on my daughter and try to do the best I can with her. At least that helps with some of my depression by occupying myself with her. I don\'t have a vehicle so I have to walk everywhere with her. The walking used to help but now that the weather is getting hotter me and my daughter can\'t walk anywhere as much as we used to. So basically we are STUCK in the house all day. I can only take so much of that. I\'m so bored with it. I just want to get out and do things. It helps with my depression just to see my daughter happy. She loves to go places and be around people. If I could afford to take a cab places we would be out and about everyday.
Thanks everyone your comments help me alot even when I was having my rants in the the rant and rave. Alot of you are right about what is going on and I am considering alot of the comments at this point. :sigh

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