I start a new job this week. I'm going to be a bank teller again. (!)  After quitting my job 7 weeks ago I swore I would get a job that meant something, that helped people, that had some meaning. Well apparently those jobs don't exist in school hours.  The last thing I wanted to do was work for a corporation - especially a bank - that's all about making money for shareholders and CEO's, and billion dollar profits.  But I will swallow my pride and do it, and convince myself that in some small way, I will be able to help people, appreciate that I will be working for a company with a good name, that treats their employees extremely well.

I breezed through a four hour interview/assessment centre, beat over 100 people to get an invite to that,  and landed a Monday to Friday part time job that will again allow me to be a less hassled working mother. My new boss even told me the guy who interviewed me was a bit disappointed I would not be working in his branch. Cool.  And another bonus - $5 per hour more than my last job! I'm looking forward to the new start, and I do hope I can stick this out, and not let grief, anxiety and depression wear me down and make me quit like with every other job I've had.

I'm trying hard to stay motivated and get fit - emotionally and physically. I've lost a couple of kilos this week, and making a real effort to keep depression and self hate away by spending time on myself. Don't tell my husband I spent $122 on a haircut LOL.

Although there are many ups and downs at the moment in my life, I am hanging in there. There have now been 3 deaths in my family this year, including my brother, and another uncle is now battling cancer - he had a heart attack after chemo the other day. His wife died from cancer 13 years ago, and he moved up here for a new start, now I cannot get the guts to go and visit him only 2 suburbs away. He may only have weeks left, but I'm not sure I can deal with any more drama. I don't know what to do, I feel helpless so I am staying away, and that makes me feel like an awful person.

Maybe I am awful. My marriage is still a shambles, it's our ninth anniversary next week and I don't want to do anything. Everything my husband does is annoying me, even sleeping in seperate bedrooms is too close lately. I don't know what to do, I can't imagine breaking up our family and our life. I just can't get over this one.

Quote of the week - Never regret anything that made you smile! I'd like to remember that one.

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maddie said:

... MR SCOOBY - SHE'S JUST SPENT $122 ON A HAIRCUT. Good on you scooby :) It costs that in £s here. You must feel very proud of yourself getting the job. Bank tellers do make a difference - especially in these days of financial uncertainty when you can give face to face advise and the personal touch. Just remember its your job - a means to an end for you, your children & home. How about putting the extra $5 away to treat yourself and/or the kids? Please don't feel awful about your Uncle. I understand how you feel. What about writing him a letter? Only you can know what's happening in your marriage scooby. You have been through so much. Is it possible you are venting your feelings for everything on him just beacause he's the one there? If it really is so bad, could you perhaps suggest that he moves out for a trial seperations to give you time to sort your feelings? Whatever you do, you'll receive support & love here. Have you noticed the word depression: it says de-PRESS-ON. Keep going. You can make it!! :)

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May 24, 2008
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ceejay said:

... Dear Scooby - I don't know how the economy is where you live but it sucks here!! Having a person in a bank with a good attitude and a helpful spirit would go a long way toward making a REAL difference in the world of the people who have to go in there! You can, indeed, make a difference for others no matter what you do!! Because that is who you are! This job sounds great - good hours, good pay, and none of the stress! This leaves you time to take care of your boys and to WRITE, WRITE, WRITE!! :) You'll come through this bout of "shambles" - I wanted to leave my husband terribly right around our 9th anniversary. We've done 23 now - with a divorce in there. Not always necessary! :) You're awesome and I think it's terrific that you landed such good job, breezed past all the interviewing and have a great handle on anxiety and panic right now! Bravo for you!

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May 24, 2008
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lamy12 said:

... Hi Scooby~That's awesome that you got the teller job...isn't it funny how we (people with anxiety/depression) are able to get jobs and be very valuable to others and make such a great impression that people are disappointed we won't be working for them!!! It's so funny when you think of how we feel internally. It just goes to show how sensitive, caring, and kind we are!!! And you bring that to any job that you have and do make difference. I am proud of you for losing the few lbs and getting the haircut!!! You deserve it. As far as the marriage....I have no good advice as I am in the midst of the same thing myself. All I can do is live one day at a time right now and be good to myself and pray that the choices I make are the right ones for me. That's all we can do. We can't cange anyone else. We can just try to find peace and happiness within ourselves. Easy order huh? At least we have each other during the journey.....and that makes a diffrence. Hang in there. Love ya lots, lamy

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May 25, 2008
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scooby said:

	... Thanks heaps maddie ceejay and lamy!!!
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May 27, 2008
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ceejay said:

	... So scooby - how is it going? Have you started your new job? Been keeping you in my prayers and thoughts!! Hugs!
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June 02, 2008
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