I used to be thin

Young

Beautiful

Witty

Smart

Loving

Caring

A good daughter, friend, sister, girlfriend

Carefree

I used to be happy

Now I am none of these things

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jennirae said:

... I can understand how you are feeling, I miss the "old me" too. And it's terrible to think that you would rather not live at all than to live "like this" I personally would never try to kill myself..mainly b/c I'm convinced that I would just botch it up and make things worse (hehe) I haven't ever realized that I was depressed but I suppose that's what this new crying phase is all about...Please just know that you are someone to a lot of people, I don't even know you and you're someone to me. You took the time to comment on my blog and empathise with the way I was feeling and that meant more to me than you could realize. I am already a better person for making your aquaintance. I suggest trying a new hair cut or color or dress..that always boosts my spirits a bit.

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May 22, 2008
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jennirae said:

... I can understand how you are feeling, I miss the "old me" too. And it's terrible to think that you would rather not live at all than to live "like this" I personally would never try to kill myself..mainly b/c I'm convinced that I would just botch it up and make things worse (hehe) I haven't ever realized that I was depressed but I suppose that's what this new crying phase is all about...Please just know that you are someone to a lot of people, I don't even know you and you're someone to me. You took the time to comment on my blog and empathise with the way I was feeling and that meant more to me than you could realize. I am already a better person for making your aquaintance. I suggest trying a new hair cut or color or dress..that always boosts my spirits a bit.

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May 22, 2008
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ceejay said:

... kellybeth - I think all of us go through these desert-times. There seems to be nothing but hot, dry sand - no life, no water, no meaning, no texture. They can be terribly hard on our sense of who we are and where we're going. For me, it took some anti-depressants and an excellent therapist. Well, many therapists! :) And I went to workshops - on all kinds of things. I took art classes. I took dance classes. Yoga. I went to foreign films and challenged myself. I read books of all kinds. I travelled. I sought spiritual experiences in a variety of ways. I read a lot of books by women who were about 10 years older than me to get a glimpse of what was possible in my life that would be different from my mother and other women in my family. Slowly I began to come to the end of that desert. I felt the rich texture of nature. I felt my own life force. Again. And soon I was enthralled by nature, birds, animals and plants. I had interesting (if eclectic) viewpoints on things. I had some wonderful experiences, some terrific paintings, and some new friends. Life didn't get all that different-looking from the outside. But on the inside it was a whole new experience. You can and will do this too! Keep trying, keep looking, keep seeking. YOU are worth it! Cindy

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May 22, 2008
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ceejay said:

... kellybeth - I think all of us go through these desert-times. There seems to be nothing but hot, dry sand - no life, no water, no meaning, no texture. They can be terribly hard on our sense of who we are and where we're going. For me, it took some anti-depressants and an excellent therapist. Well, many therapists! :) And I went to workshops - on all kinds of things. I took art classes. I took dance classes. Yoga. I went to foreign films and challenged myself. I read books of all kinds. I travelled. I sought spiritual experiences in a variety of ways. I read a lot of books by women who were about 10 years older than me to get a glimpse of what was possible in my life that would be different from my mother and other women in my family. Slowly I began to come to the end of that desert. I felt the rich texture of nature. I felt my own life force. Again. And soon I was enthralled by nature, birds, animals and plants. I had interesting (if eclectic) viewpoints on things. I had some wonderful experiences, some terrific paintings, and some new friends. Life didn't get all that different-looking from the outside. But on the inside it was a whole new experience. You can and will do this too! Keep trying, keep looking, keep seeking. YOU are worth it! Cindy

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May 22, 2008
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maddie said:

... I know you are smart, caring and a good friend just from how you have behaved towards me. I know that you are beautiful inside and that you give of yourself to others even if you don't feel 100% yourself. While I've known you there have been 2 men in your life, so you must be attractive and loving. You are strong and determined - you have kept your job through all your anxiety. Unfortunately growing up does bring responsibilities and realisation that not everyone behaves as you would like. You do have to adapt, earn a living and face the humdrum of everyday life. Some of us grow up at 20, others still haven't made it at 50! I often resent having to behave like an adult - I want to take off somewhere hot, run through the sand with the wind blowing in my hair. But I have a house that needs repair, a partner who has needs to be met, a daughter who certainly hasn't grown up at 23 and no money. I'll never show my body in a swimsuit again, don't think I have enough puff to run down a beach and my hair is cut short so it won't blow anywhere! Even so, I would hate to "stand out in a crowd" Can you imagine the stress of trying to maintain the outer image? Of having to perform as expected no matter how you feel? I have found that happiness comes with independence of spirit. I used to socialise because it was expected and I hated it. Now I can turn down an invitation. My family accept that I don't have to be going out every night to be enjoying myself. One of my real pleasures is to sit by our pond watching the fish we bred as they change colours and grow. I no longer do what others want of me unless I would enjoy doing it too. We come into the world alone and go out of it alone. You do make an impact on other people - just a smile to the person serving you in a shop can totally alter their day. But I think our main purpose is to learn to love and like ourselves. Only then can we be happy and at peace. Are there small things you enjoy? A walk in the park or a good book? If you can, try to find a small pleasure in each day. Plan something a few weeks ahead, like a day or weekend away, to give you something to look forward to. Be out in the fresh air as much as you can - I find that really helps to lift the depression. Practise positive thinking as much as you can. Your brain needs retraining to remember just what a wonderful woman you are!

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May 22, 2008
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maddie said:

... I know you are smart, caring and a good friend just from how you have behaved towards me. I know that you are beautiful inside and that you give of yourself to others even if you don't feel 100% yourself. While I've known you there have been 2 men in your life, so you must be attractive and loving. You are strong and determined - you have kept your job through all your anxiety. Unfortunately growing up does bring responsibilities and realisation that not everyone behaves as you would like. You do have to adapt, earn a living and face the humdrum of everyday life. Some of us grow up at 20, others still haven't made it at 50! I often resent having to behave like an adult - I want to take off somewhere hot, run through the sand with the wind blowing in my hair. But I have a house that needs repair, a partner who has needs to be met, a daughter who certainly hasn't grown up at 23 and no money. I'll never show my body in a swimsuit again, don't think I have enough puff to run down a beach and my hair is cut short so it won't blow anywhere! Even so, I would hate to "stand out in a crowd" Can you imagine the stress of trying to maintain the outer image? Of having to perform as expected no matter how you feel? I have found that happiness comes with independence of spirit. I used to socialise because it was expected and I hated it. Now I can turn down an invitation. My family accept that I don't have to be going out every night to be enjoying myself. One of my real pleasures is to sit by our pond watching the fish we bred as they change colours and grow. I no longer do what others want of me unless I would enjoy doing it too. We come into the world alone and go out of it alone. You do make an impact on other people - just a smile to the person serving you in a shop can totally alter their day. But I think our main purpose is to learn to love and like ourselves. Only then can we be happy and at peace. Are there small things you enjoy? A walk in the park or a good book? If you can, try to find a small pleasure in each day. Plan something a few weeks ahead, like a day or weekend away, to give you something to look forward to. Be out in the fresh air as much as you can - I find that really helps to lift the depression. Practise positive thinking as much as you can. Your brain needs retraining to remember just what a wonderful woman you are!

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May 22, 2008
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ChristineMarie said:

	... I can relate to what you are going through, I just feel sort of unimportant. But I do feel like we are here for a reason but; it might take awhile to figure out why
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May 22, 2008
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ChristineMarie said:

	... I can relate to what you are going through, I just feel sort of unimportant. But I do feel like we are here for a reason but; it might take awhile to figure out why
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May 22, 2008
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scooby said:

	... I hear ya kellybeth. When the groundhog days get too much, make sure you plan to make something exciting happen, make just one day different, have just one thing to look forward to. Be the best you can be and be bigger than the anxiety.
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May 24, 2008
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scooby said:

	... I hear ya kellybeth. When the groundhog days get too much, make sure you plan to make something exciting happen, make just one day different, have just one thing to look forward to. Be the best you can be and be bigger than the anxiety.
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May 24, 2008
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