I had a rough morning this morning. I woke up and something just didn’t feel right. Came to work and had a real “nice” panic attack. Not one of those attacks that is terrible and passes quickly, but one of those attacks that lasts over an hour and never quiet peaks. I just sat at my desk and kept to myself. But I was screaming on the inside. So loud that I can’t believe no one heard me.  Its like screaming under water as loud as you can and no one on the surface can hear you. That’s how I felt. I was losing my mind and no one knew any different.

Why is this happening to me? Why for the last 16 or so years of my life has everything I do or think revolve around this fear of…. of what? Fear of nothing. The fear of fear. A phobaphobia.  It is not normal to feel so afraid all the time. Sometimes I can just except it as part of who I am. And other times I just want to hide under the covers. But now that I think about it I would probably be afraid of the dark under there and have an attack under there. LOL. Stupid brain.

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maddie said:

... "" Its like screaming under water as loud as you can and no one on the surface can hear you."" That's an amazing analogy Kellybeth. The fear that I'm losing my mind often terrifies me too. My partner is a mental health nurse manager. If it's any comfort, he says if you are losing your mind you don't know it. You did an amazing job this morning. You didn't fall apart. You got through. Well done :) :)

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May 16, 2008
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maddie said:

... "" Its like screaming under water as loud as you can and no one on the surface can hear you."" That's an amazing analogy Kellybeth. The fear that I'm losing my mind often terrifies me too. My partner is a mental health nurse manager. If it's any comfort, he says if you are losing your mind you don't know it. You did an amazing job this morning. You didn't fall apart. You got through. Well done :) :)

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May 16, 2008
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earthmama said:

	... Hang in there girlie! This too will pass. For me anxiety is a roller coaster, ups and downs. You can be scared, or you can enjoy the ride. Your body physically feels the same either way. Be proud that you are riding the ride - even if it scares you to death!
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May 17, 2008
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earthmama said:

	... Hang in there girlie! This too will pass. For me anxiety is a roller coaster, ups and downs. You can be scared, or you can enjoy the ride. Your body physically feels the same either way. Be proud that you are riding the ride - even if it scares you to death!
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May 17, 2008
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ceejay said:

	... Hugs Kellybeth - I've been there too! Keep believing in yourself and keep working at expressing yourself. The fear of fear is the most irrational and most difficult!! Stay as grounded in the present moment as you can get. Each time you feel yourself getting dragged under, remember to focus on your exact physical situation - sitting, standing, breathing, walking. You ARE okay. Hugs, cindy
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May 20, 2008
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ceejay said:

	... Hugs Kellybeth - I've been there too! Keep believing in yourself and keep working at expressing yourself. The fear of fear is the most irrational and most difficult!! Stay as grounded in the present moment as you can get. Each time you feel yourself getting dragged under, remember to focus on your exact physical situation - sitting, standing, breathing, walking. You ARE okay. Hugs, cindy
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May 20, 2008
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