It's really amazing how doing nothing can take up so much time. I have been enjoying the past few weeks being unemployed, pottering around the house, cooking heaps and being there for my kids. Well, being a stay at home mum really IS a full time job. I've only watched Oprah and Ellen a few times - honest!

 The anxiety attacks have really dropped off now, being free of my job. I cannot believe just how stressed I was, and I really notice the difference not having those physical symptoms anymore.  Trouble is, I did kind of sink into a depression a few weeks ago. So fatigued I literally could not even hold a magazine to read it!  BUT I switched my supplements, got onto a better quality iron tablet and a B6 supplement. Wow, after 3 days I had energy and clarity of thought again.  Now I am struck with one of the worst flus I have ever had, at a time where I need to be attending job interviews. blah

I'm doing ok, getting interview requests but knocking them back if they are not "perfect jobs". But we are just about out of money, so that perfect job better hurry up.   I'm still not able to lash out and do things for myself - I promised my psychologist  I would be starting yoga classes last week, but my nerves will still not allow me to walk into a class full of people who may or may not be fit and attractive and know what they are doing. 

Maybe I have selective agoraphobia LOL. I avoid social situations for the most part, I find it impossible to join a class for fun, but nothing, absolutely nothing will prevent me shopping!!

On mothers day I took my mum to a Jimmy Barnes concert - good old Aussie rock music, awesome show, LOVE him.  But before the show I saw a guy who really made me think. He was middle aged, and for want of a better description, he was the spitting image of the monster/man chained up in the basement in the movie The Goonies. At first I was repulsed, then I felt sorry for him, then I realised how HAPPY he was.  He was sitting in a restaurant, surrounded by family, looking around at everything and everyone and just seemed thankful to be alive and to be out and about.  He did not care who may or may not be looking at him, although people had every reason to. He was comfortable in himself, and just happy.  I could not believe the amount of times I have been so self obsessed as to wonder what people are thinking of me, and being scared of that, when this guy was just getting on with it and dealing with the poor hand he'd been dealt. I admire that guy very much. Most of us have nothing to whine about, nothing to feel self conscious about, and yet we are really good at being focused on our "shortcomings". So, next time I have a bad hair day, I will get over myself and get on with my day no matter how fugly I feel. Thanks guy in restaurant!

XX

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ceejay said:

... Scooby - you are so awesome!! I love how you are always able to come back around to finding the good in people, and in finding the silver lining in any cloud! You are truly an optimistic and upbeat person! I'm glad you're having a break - and it seems like you've realy thrown yourself into the at-home mom stuff! Good for you! How was your trip interstate? Seeing your gran? We have these restaurants in our town (they're a "new" thing to us because we're so darn backward) that are just open for breakfast and lunch. What about if you got a job at one of those - doing waitressing, and getting tips -- and yet you'd be done by 2 pm each day. I am not saying waitressing is no stress, but it is that good kind of physical stress that actually helps us get tired and you'd still get to meet people and be around nice folks. The money is probably okay -- I know it's not perfect, but it may be worth doing on a temporary basis. At any rate, I'm SURE you'll figure out what the next right thing is! You're terrific that way! I love following your journey and sharing it with you - you're a dear friend! Thinking of you!! Hugs, Ceejay

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May 13, 2008
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lamy12 said:

... Hi Scooby~ I know exactly what you mean "Most of us have nothing to whine about, nothing to feel self conscious about, and yet we are really good at being focused on our "shortcomings". So, next time I have a bad hair day, I will get over myself and get on with my day no matter how fugly I feel." Thanks for sharing that story-I am sometimes sooo that person....focusing on myself waaaaay too much and not living life. Hope you are feeling better and find the job you want. Keep at it......love lamy

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May 14, 2008
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maddie said:

... I promised my psychologist I would be starting yoga classes last week, but my nerves will still not allow me to walk into a class full of people who may or may not be fit and attractive and know what they are doing. You're a member of my club scooby. This is so exactly me! I wish I could convince you of all the arguments - no-one's looking at you, no-one will notice you've got the wrong clothes or made the wrong move......but I know it won't work (even though it's true!) What I can say:- beautiful is as beautiful does. True beauty comes from the inside and you are one stunning lady. :)

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May 16, 2008
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scooby said:

	... Well I think you guys are awesome! I am feeling a lot more positive about myself, had a couple of good job interviews and with the help of my psychologist and you guys, hopefully I will be able to stick at something and accept that I have a right to be on this planet too. LOL Thanks!!!!
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May 17, 2008
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