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I thought that I would finally write a blog that is not a long written version of me feeling sorry for myself. ;) After reading my last blog again, I realized what a fool I sounded like, lol. I am planning to go apply for jobs tomorrow and have come to the conclusion that this is actually a good thing for me.  I have never really been a very outgoing person, unless I was under the influence of soemthing, lol. But I have realized that over the course of the last three months that I have been studying at home, I have become less and less social. I have begun to dread leaving the house. 
So, I believe that obtaining a part-time job while continuing with my studies will actually help me to feel more comfortable being around other people again! As it stands right now, my fiancee and I have very little if any social life at all. We spend the majority of our time together, here at home. We had a talk last night and we both would like to get out more with friends and start having a more active social life. There are friends that we have that I feel "safe" being with and do not worry about having a panic attack around them. But I think it would also be good for us to expand the amount of friends that we have. I made plans this week to meet up with a friend that I have not seen in three months. We are getting together this next week and I am excited to see her.
I was panicking about needing to return to work when I wrote my last blog. I kept thinking, how am I going to go back to work and not make a fool of myself by having a panic attack?? But I have since realized that I cannot hide out in my home for fear of having a panic attack that may never even occur. I like the feeling of working and earning my own money. And this could also serve as an opportunity for me to make new friends. So, what I was basically crying about in my last blog has actually become something that I am excited and feeling very positive about. When I think about it, the longer I stay in the house, the less and less I want to leave it at all. And that scares me far more than going back to work.
I plan to continue to learn web developing while I work, so it is not as though I am losing my dream. It just means that I will have to work a little harder in order to attain it!
I admit, I have never really been a very independent person. But I am in charge of my life and only I can determine how well it is going to turn out.:) I am engaged to the man of my dreams, finally beginning to patch things up with the majority of my family and life is good right now! I am going to focus on the positives and stop allowing myself to live in fear of what may or may not happen. Today I am going to prepare for the job hunt and write an actual letter to my sister who is still not speaking with me.
The weather is absolutley gorgeous outside and it looks like it is the perfect day to start thinking positively!!! I hope that everyone else has a wonderful day as well.
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lrouse
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