All my life I have pushed myself to make every second count, to be productive, work, participate, contribute, for financial, emotional and career security. Funny thing is at 37 I've reached my goals and have a charmed life (not without a lot of heart ache and sweat and tears along the way!).

The trouble is I've never learnt how to relax, never allowed myself the privilege. Now I can't watch TV with the family unless I'm doing something 'constructive' as well. I can't settle to read. I'm so restless - I annoy myself!

I feel as though my brain is like a car engine with the choke jammed on - all the time! Which is great at work - everyone loves me, but at home it's a disaster!

In my case I may have been predisposed to panic and have had my fair share of dramatic life trauma (who hasn't!!), but I definitely have pushed myself too bloody hard to get 'here'. Now that I'm 'here' in my 'ivory tower' with lots of special family and friends that I love, I feel lost. I can't sit still!

In the past when I've been anxious I've thrown myself into projects - UNI, work, children, real estate, renovating, art etc. I'm not out of projects, by a long shot. It's just that now I can't settle to do anything like I used to. That strategy used to work to help me wind down. Now I can't seem to get past walking round the house and garden in circles. I look forward to going to work because I have such a structured day.

Maybe I'll have to look at building an ivory garden!

Leah

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maddie said:

... I think an ivory garden is a great idea. But build it in your mind, Leah. Start with a gate. Stone, carved, plain, wicket, arched, whatever you will, but a special gate. Create the gate in every last detail so you recognise it instantly in your minds' eye. Then the paths. What are they going to me constructed from? Where do they go? Are there different areas to the garden? Seats? A swing? Water? Is there an area of strong scents or special colours? Are there trees and whispering grasses? This can be an ongoing project. Wander through your garden and add areas as you feel. Recreate. The main thing is you have a gateway in your mind to a special place of peace and beauty. When others are watching TV or the world is spinning too fast, you can retreat there. You may run in, but always remember to come back out through the gate and close it gently behind you. Then you can calmly face outside again. And please don't forgat to give yourself full credit for all you have achieved in real life. You deserve to rest on your laurels for a while! :)

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April 24, 2008
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maddie said:

... I think an ivory garden is a great idea. But build it in your mind, Leah. Start with a gate. Stone, carved, plain, wicket, arched, whatever you will, but a special gate. Create the gate in every last detail so you recognise it instantly in your minds' eye. Then the paths. What are they going to me constructed from? Where do they go? Are there different areas to the garden? Seats? A swing? Water? Is there an area of strong scents or special colours? Are there trees and whispering grasses? This can be an ongoing project. Wander through your garden and add areas as you feel. Recreate. The main thing is you have a gateway in your mind to a special place of peace and beauty. When others are watching TV or the world is spinning too fast, you can retreat there. You may run in, but always remember to come back out through the gate and close it gently behind you. Then you can calmly face outside again. And please don't forgat to give yourself full credit for all you have achieved in real life. You deserve to rest on your laurels for a while! :)

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April 24, 2008
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ceejay said:

... Dear Leah - I know it's a difficult position to be in, but it is one you can definitely make a change from! I highly recommend Belleruth Neparstak (www.healthjourneys.com) for guided meditation CDs and help with just this thing. For many of us we are stuck in a revved up mode of operation. It takes work to slow down. But it is possible, and eventually it becomes a habit. I know it is an oxymoron to imagine working to relax, but for me I DID have to work at it! I had to learn how to slow my mind as well as my body. And I had to learn not to be afraid of my thoughts, how to cope with negativity (inside and out) and how to redirect my "stinking thinking" - it's worth the work! YOU are worth the work!

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April 24, 2008
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ceejay said:

... Dear Leah - I know it's a difficult position to be in, but it is one you can definitely make a change from! I highly recommend Belleruth Neparstak (www.healthjourneys.com) for guided meditation CDs and help with just this thing. For many of us we are stuck in a revved up mode of operation. It takes work to slow down. But it is possible, and eventually it becomes a habit. I know it is an oxymoron to imagine working to relax, but for me I DID have to work at it! I had to learn how to slow my mind as well as my body. And I had to learn not to be afraid of my thoughts, how to cope with negativity (inside and out) and how to redirect my "stinking thinking" - it's worth the work! YOU are worth the work!

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April 24, 2008
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Leah said:

	... Thanks Maddie and Ceejay! You both always make me feel calmer and in control promptly. I shall take both your advice. xxx Leah
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April 25, 2008
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Leah said:

	... Thanks Maddie and Ceejay! You both always make me feel calmer and in control promptly. I shall take both your advice. xxx Leah
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April 25, 2008
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