Yesterday was a very agitating day for me.  Nothing happened in particular, I was just on edge.  It was very windy and when I walked my dog to the mailbox the strong wind was blowing right in my face.  it was hard to breath and this brought on strong feelings of anxiety.  When my husband got home we decided to have sloppy joes for dinner but we needed buns and a couple other things.  I decided to face my anxiety and go out.  I need to pick up a prescription too.  Bad idea!  When I got in my car I took a few deep breaths.  I could tell this was going to be an interesting trip.  I finally got to Walgreens via "the back way".  This is a round about way in which I avoid a lot of traffic but I go quite out of my way to do so.  I finally got to Walgreens.  When I walked in I suddenly became very aware of myself.  It was like a dream.  I was very real but everything going on around me was kind of in slow motion.  I got to the pharmacy counter and when I gave the girl my last name it seemed to echo in my head.  I started to freak.  I stood there in complete fear while she rang me up.  I made it.  I decided instead of making a special trip to the store i would pick up buns at Walgreens.  I grabbed them but was unable to walk to the checkout.  I was petrified.  I dumped the buns in another isle and rushed out of the place.  I got in my car and sat there for a minute to try to get through this.  Once I felt a little better, I decided to go to the grocery store.  My therapist said that exposure therapy was the best for me.  I got into the store parking lot and was not able to get out of my car.  The store was full of people and going in there scared me to death.  I have had many attacks in the grocery store.  I called my husband in the hopes that he could calm me down.  He talked to me but wasn't that great in talking me out of my anxiety or taking anxiety out of my mind.  I hung up with him and sat in my car for 5 minutes.  Surely I could get a grip.  I couldn't though.  I ended up driving back home "the back way".  It was very unsettling.  I pulled over once to try to get a grip.  I used my the ABC game to try to get my mind off this panic but I couldn't think of words and the words I did think of sounded so real in my head (if that makes any sense).   I got home and pretty much wrapped myself up in a blanket and laid in the fetal position for about an hour.  I took a klonopin and at the end of the day I figured that yesterday was just one of my bad days and that today I would feel better.

 I got up this morning and took a klonopin right away because I knew I had to run some errands.  Those went completely fine.  Later I decided to go work out and run some more errands.  Those didn't go too well.  I pulled up in the gym parking lot and I pictured my self having a panic attack on the treadmill and passing out.  I rushed home with a lot of anxiety.  I took another klonopin about 2 hours ago and I still feel anxious.  When will the panic monster give me a f***ing break!

 I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

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faith said:

... OMG, I TOTALLY understand, lol. The past few days I have been SO angry from this stupid anxiety that I just want to give up. But, oddly, reversed psychology seems to work a tad on my nerves?! Weird hey? I give my anxiety WAY too much attention that it does NOT deserve. I feed it by thinking about it. So, by telling it "where to go, and how to get there", it seems to help me calm down some, lol. Sometimes I get dizzy and panicky just at the THOUGHT of running errands. Its SO annoying. I have been pretty much stuck in my house since before xmas because of it and its extremely annoying. I too have heard that exposure is a "good" thing, but it sure is hard when it feels like your heart is going to stop or you can't breathe!! UGH!! Just tell your anxiety to piss off (pardon the language)! Boot it to the back seat instead of letting it take the wheel!!! Hang in there!! :)

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April 22, 2008
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faith said:

... OMG, I TOTALLY understand, lol. The past few days I have been SO angry from this stupid anxiety that I just want to give up. But, oddly, reversed psychology seems to work a tad on my nerves?! Weird hey? I give my anxiety WAY too much attention that it does NOT deserve. I feed it by thinking about it. So, by telling it "where to go, and how to get there", it seems to help me calm down some, lol. Sometimes I get dizzy and panicky just at the THOUGHT of running errands. Its SO annoying. I have been pretty much stuck in my house since before xmas because of it and its extremely annoying. I too have heard that exposure is a "good" thing, but it sure is hard when it feels like your heart is going to stop or you can't breathe!! UGH!! Just tell your anxiety to piss off (pardon the language)! Boot it to the back seat instead of letting it take the wheel!!! Hang in there!! :)

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April 22, 2008
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maddie said:

... Hi. Been there! Numerous times I've suffered the agonies of going to the shops just like you. However, twice things went differently: 1. I wanted a tin of white paint from the big hardware store right in the centre of town. White is always at the front, so I thought I'd be fine. Managed the traffic, parked and froze. After 5 minutes shaking in the car I got cross with myself & decided I was being ridiculous. I made it into the shop, but couldn't walk past the door. the shop. The customer service desk was right by me. I told the woman I couldn't get round. She asked what I wanted, fetched the paint, put it through for me & offered to walk me back to the car. She was so nice! 2: I needed meds. My local chemist didn't have them so I had to go to a superstore for them. I managed to get to the chemist counter. The girl took the prescription & said there was a 1/2 hour wait if that was OK? Poor girl, I think I shouted "no" at her, she looked so surprised. I told her I was trying to overcome agrophobia. She went straight to the chemist, while I wedged myself against a wall. He did the prescription straight away and offered me help out of the shop. I managed alone. Why is it your legs don't work when you want to run!! Sorry this answer is so long. My point is that you are not alone and there are very kind people out there, ready to help if they just know what is going on. Don't look on the inability to go in as a failure - see the journey there as a positive. Keep persevering! You can do it! :)

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April 23, 2008
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maddie said:

... Hi. Been there! Numerous times I've suffered the agonies of going to the shops just like you. However, twice things went differently: 1. I wanted a tin of white paint from the big hardware store right in the centre of town. White is always at the front, so I thought I'd be fine. Managed the traffic, parked and froze. After 5 minutes shaking in the car I got cross with myself & decided I was being ridiculous. I made it into the shop, but couldn't walk past the door. the shop. The customer service desk was right by me. I told the woman I couldn't get round. She asked what I wanted, fetched the paint, put it through for me & offered to walk me back to the car. She was so nice! 2: I needed meds. My local chemist didn't have them so I had to go to a superstore for them. I managed to get to the chemist counter. The girl took the prescription & said there was a 1/2 hour wait if that was OK? Poor girl, I think I shouted "no" at her, she looked so surprised. I told her I was trying to overcome agrophobia. She went straight to the chemist, while I wedged myself against a wall. He did the prescription straight away and offered me help out of the shop. I managed alone. Why is it your legs don't work when you want to run!! Sorry this answer is so long. My point is that you are not alone and there are very kind people out there, ready to help if they just know what is going on. Don't look on the inability to go in as a failure - see the journey there as a positive. Keep persevering! You can do it! :)

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April 23, 2008
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rippelk2 said:

... I have been there so many times. One time I didn't leave my house for 2 months! So good for you for trying! Exposure therapy is what has helped me along with my prescription to xanax. I know this sounds so simple and will probably aggitate the heck out of you, but the anxiety monster will go away once you acknowledge him and accept him as part of your life. I went through all of the stages you can possible go through, I went through the frightened stage, the I don't understand what is going on stage, to the why me stage, to the what if's, to the hopeless/helpless stage, to the agoraphobic stage(not leaving my house for 2 months, i let my panic control me, and trust me, if you do, it will...), the depression stage, the giving up hope stage, and then I finally decided enough was ENOUGH. I was sick of this monster controlling my life and taking away every happiness I had once had in my life, changing my personality. But I found out that I am still here and that I have control. Positivity is the best therapy you can give yourself. You have to change every negative thought into a positive. You need to acknowledge that you will have fantastic days, great days, good days, ok days, ehhh days, not so good days, bad days, horrible days, and H*LL days. You can't let these bad days discourage you. You need to remind yourself of the positives. You need to build your way up and you need to believe in yourself. Once you learn to accept that you have a panic disorder and finally decide to shake it's hand and live with him, your symptoms will lessen to a large extent. I know this probably sounds easier than done, but i've lived through the h*ll...and it's not fun to have to feel anxiety every day, I have accepted it and am able to be happy. I have multiple times throughout my day where I am ANXIETY FREE! could you even imagine?! I know! :grin and trust me, it is SUCH AN EXHILERATING feeling! Gotta keep pushing on. Life is too short to be anything but happy. ((hugs)) believe in yourself. You can accomplish the grocery store, and MUCH much more! We understand.

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April 23, 2008
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rippelk2 said:

... I have been there so many times. One time I didn't leave my house for 2 months! So good for you for trying! Exposure therapy is what has helped me along with my prescription to xanax. I know this sounds so simple and will probably aggitate the heck out of you, but the anxiety monster will go away once you acknowledge him and accept him as part of your life. I went through all of the stages you can possible go through, I went through the frightened stage, the I don't understand what is going on stage, to the why me stage, to the what if's, to the hopeless/helpless stage, to the agoraphobic stage(not leaving my house for 2 months, i let my panic control me, and trust me, if you do, it will...), the depression stage, the giving up hope stage, and then I finally decided enough was ENOUGH. I was sick of this monster controlling my life and taking away every happiness I had once had in my life, changing my personality. But I found out that I am still here and that I have control. Positivity is the best therapy you can give yourself. You have to change every negative thought into a positive. You need to acknowledge that you will have fantastic days, great days, good days, ok days, ehhh days, not so good days, bad days, horrible days, and H*LL days. You can't let these bad days discourage you. You need to remind yourself of the positives. You need to build your way up and you need to believe in yourself. Once you learn to accept that you have a panic disorder and finally decide to shake it's hand and live with him, your symptoms will lessen to a large extent. I know this probably sounds easier than done, but i've lived through the h*ll...and it's not fun to have to feel anxiety every day, I have accepted it and am able to be happy. I have multiple times throughout my day where I am ANXIETY FREE! could you even imagine?! I know! :grin and trust me, it is SUCH AN EXHILERATING feeling! Gotta keep pushing on. Life is too short to be anything but happy. ((hugs)) believe in yourself. You can accomplish the grocery store, and MUCH much more! We understand.

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April 23, 2008
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dianabear said:

	... I'm so happy to find this site.I have been suffering from panic/anxiety off and on for 30 years. Been on and off meds for a long time. At the ripe age of 63, I've decided, enough is enough..Not going to medicate ..just going to face this and try to deal with it differently. Maddie, you're right. We just have to do the best we can and push through it. God bless us all!
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April 27, 2008
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dianabear said:

	... I'm so happy to find this site.I have been suffering from panic/anxiety off and on for 30 years. Been on and off meds for a long time. At the ripe age of 63, I've decided, enough is enough..Not going to medicate ..just going to face this and try to deal with it differently. Maddie, you're right. We just have to do the best we can and push through it. God bless us all!
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April 27, 2008
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