Well, my boyfriend (fiancee now), and I finally got engaged on Friday! He took me to my favorite place in town and asked me to marry him there. Nothing too extravagent, but it was perfect for me.:) Of course, I said "yes", lol. I knew the entire plan ahead of time and even picked out the ring myself, so it was no surprise. But I am pretty impossible to surprise and actually prefer to have a plan in place for everything. Which makes me a control freak, I guess. Anyway, I could not be happier! He has been my greatest support in everything that I have gone through in the last two years and I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. I feel so lucky to have him!

   I wrote an email to my mother to let her know even though she has already told me that she will never support my being with my fiancee. I also wrote an email to my brother to tell him. My mother sent an e-card to congratulate us, which her husband probably made her send, lol. I have written in my other blogs about the falling out I have had with my family. But my mother's husband is really a very kind man and I am sure that he told her to congratulate me whether she was happy for me or not. My sister does not know about our engagement since she is still not speaking to me. I have tried calling her a couple of times and left messages of apology asking her to forgive me and give me a call....but she apparently does not intend to do so anytime soon. I have apologized to her and even my mother repeatedly but neither of them will forgive me. So, I am out of ideas and not going to bother to apologize anymore.

  My brother and I were getting along okay until last week. I called him to tell him how cute the new pictures of my baby neice were and we ended up aurguing about my mother the entire time. I kept telling him that I was not asking him to choose sides but that I had a right to limit contact with her if I chose to do so. He just told me that I was wrong and made excuses for her. He told me that I was a F^c# up and that I had no right to blame our mother for the way she raised us. I explained to him that I had issues with her that I had to get out in order for me to move on. I told him that all I wanted was to talk to her about the things that had happened back then and that I was not blaming her for mistakes that I had made as an adult. But he just kept coming to her defense and saying that I was wrong. I finally told him that I did not want to argue with him or my sister or my mother. I said that they had made it clear that they were a united front and that was fine. He called back later to say that he was sorry for calling me a f^$k up and I said it was fine. Other than the email I sent to tell him I am now engaged, we have not spoken since. He did not respond to my email.

   I knew that my mother would lash out if I confronted her about my childhood, but I never really expected my brother and sister to take her side and practically disown me! It is just strange for me because I have always been the one who talked to everyone regularly. The three of them go months without speaking to one another! Perhaps now they will all speak to one another more often and become closer. At least some good will have come out of this. I honestly thought that I had a pretty close relationship with my mother, brother and sister. But this whole situation has opened my eyes to the fact that I must have been wrong. I feel like I need to fix things with everyone, but when apologies do not work...what is left??

   I guess I am more bothered by the current situation than I would normally be because of a call I recieved this Saturday. I had to go to the police a few months back due to telephone harrassment from my ex-husband. He was calling sometimes 30-50 times in a row even after I had told him that I no longer wanted to hear from him, and that we were divorced and would not be getting back together. At first he lied to the police and told them he had not made those calls, but I had the proof. Then he argued with the police that there was nothing they could do because he now lives in a different state. Well, the officer assured him that if he continued to contact me in any form, they would proceed with pressing charges. I finally stopped hearing from him. So, I was surprised when he called on Saturday. At first I was angry, but then he told me that his father had died of a massive stroke a week ago and he started crying. Well, I felt horrible for him, so I talked to him for almost an hour. Then he began asking me why we weren't together anymore and telling me that he missed me and loved me. I told him that I was really sorry about his dad, but that he needed to be with his family now and that he should not contact me again. We have been divorced for over two years and were seperated for a few months before that. I told him that I would not be getting the police involved this time, but I had moved on and he had to do the same.

   After talking with him, I thought about how my family and I were at odds right now. The next day I tried apologizing to my mother again and she said she did not want to discuss it. Then she told me that I clearly still had feelings for my ex-husband or I would have just hung up on him! I told her that I have compassion for anyone who has just lost a family member, and that I felt sorry for him. She said losing a parent was natural and something that people should anticipate. She told me that most people just grow up and throw their parents to the side anyway. It was pretty clear that my apology was not accepted.

   Anyway, this last weekend has taught me a few things. I am going to make more of an effort to cherish what I have, instead of thinking of what I have lost. I am going to do my best to show the people in my life how much they mean to me, even if they choose to throw it back in my face. And I am going to appreciate the good things in life, like my engagement to the man that I love! This life is too short to spend fighting with people about the past. I guess we have all made mistakes, but in the long run...they are just a small part of who we are. I think for the most part, we all try our best to be good people and instead of holding grudges, I am going to try and remember that we are all just human. We are all just doing the best that we can.

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rippelk2 said:

... First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!! :grin !!!! On your engagement! I am so happy for you and wish you all of the happiness in the world! Second of all, I'm sorry but your mother does seem just horrible and it is even more horrible that your siblings are taking out their inner hostilities towards your mother on you. Your last paragraph is very inspiring and very true. Life is too short to be anything but happy. I'm sure your brother and sister will come around (hopefully) but I'm not too sure about your mother, she seems set. Have you tried to talk to your step father about your feelings towards her? You made it seem he is a kind understanding man? Then again, this might cause even more un-needed drama. Congrats on your engagement. Love life!

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April 21, 2008
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rippelk2 said:

... First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!! :grin !!!! On your engagement! I am so happy for you and wish you all of the happiness in the world! Second of all, I'm sorry but your mother does seem just horrible and it is even more horrible that your siblings are taking out their inner hostilities towards your mother on you. Your last paragraph is very inspiring and very true. Life is too short to be anything but happy. I'm sure your brother and sister will come around (hopefully) but I'm not too sure about your mother, she seems set. Have you tried to talk to your step father about your feelings towards her? You made it seem he is a kind understanding man? Then again, this might cause even more un-needed drama. Congrats on your engagement. Love life!

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April 21, 2008
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