I cannot believe this is happening..

It;s been a tough few months. I've been fighting to keep panic at bay just to survive each individual day. My daughter's been ill. She's still not well, but stabalised. I can't help worry about her & what career she will now be able to do. Both my partner & myself have been sick - he is still off work. I've had bad flu & am now on antibiotics waiting to have 2 teeth out next week. So there's been 3 ill people in the house, all feeling miserable.

I have had shaking hands and very poor peripheral vision. I have been fighting back panic attacks daily. I know they come more when I am not well, so I have mostly been able to cope and have only resorted to extra meds twice.

Then today happened. 6 years ago, after our divorce, my ex-husband got into financial difficulty & went to live overseas. My bank contacted me last year as he was trying to borrow money using my address. I blocked that and an alert was put on the account. I've just received an email saying my accounts have been searched by an international company for money laundering!

I am tired, I am sick and I am fast running out of bounce to eternally come back from problems. I want to crawl into bed and just not wake up in the morning. I'm running out of all desire to want to be a part of this crazy world anymore. Depression is coming back & I am starting not to feel. I'm shutting down and don't know if I have enough left in me to lift out of it. All I want is a little place I can be safe, cause no harm to anyone and keep to myself. Is that really too much to hope for?

1. 09-04-2008 23:52

Oh Maddie!

I am so sorry your are feeling down :sigh

. It sounds like it is totally justified. Everything you have mentioned are "real" stressors and you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel what you are feeling.
Find something positive to focus on, pray,meditate, take some time for you. Watch something funny on tv, eat your favorite food, remind yourself of the things that you enjoy. We are here for you!

IP: 24.136.220.128

Registered

Report

earthmama

2. 10-04-2008 13:43

Dear Maddie -

No, that is not too much to hope for. Not at all.

I find it helpful to break my day down into tinier and tineir increments so that at least during that increment I'm OKAY!

It actually helps.

I simply do not have the fortitude or the personality to be always okay in all the big ways!

Do find a good book that helps you realize that in this moment - this very moment - you are okay. And that is enough. Leave off worrying aobut yesterday or tomorrow. About 3 hours ago and about tonight.

Just be as present - and in the PRESENT MOMENT - as you can.

And you will be okay.

Love you

IP: 68.35.232.111

Registered

Report

ceejay

3. 10-04-2008 19:42

Maddie~You have ever reason to feel as you do..so don't get down on yourself for feeling that way. Sometimes mean things happen to us and we are not to blame at all. I know wat feeling you are talking about....just digging a hole and letting it all go becasue it is too much. But then I listen to a song, reada good book, or do someting else that I love and my outlook changes. Not to say that I still feel the burden of whatever problem I am having..but I try to make time to make ME happy in spite of the unfair things that I am forced to deal with. For me some days are better than others. I just remind myself that feelings change...and I will once again muster up the strenth to face it all. That's the funny thing about us...even though we have our issues with anxiety/panic---we are STRONG. Keep the faith...we're all here for you. lamy

IP: 76.173.173.149

Registered

Report

lamy12

4. 11-04-2008 07:15

Thank you friends. Looks like I have a license to have fun. If only I could remember what that is!

It's my daughter's birthday next week. We're having lunch with Grandparents, so I am being taken today to buy a new dress and shoes. Something bright to cheer me up.

Also I have ordered Dr Norris' book "The Promised Land" : a guide to positive thinking. So I'm still in here fighting due largely to your support.

Thank you

IP: 88.109.130.184

Registered

Report

maddie

5. 11-04-2008 14:32

Maddie

I'm so sorry all these horrible stressors are getting you down. But don't worry they can't break you down. I know what a strong person you are. I hope you feel better soon

If there is anything I can do let me know! I'm here for you!!!!

IP: 149.152.191.250

Registered

Report

rippelk2

6. 11-04-2008 21:55

Dear Maddie -

Do give us a book review when you get that, okay? I'd love to know how it is!!

And good luck with the dress and shoe buying - have fun!!

IP: 68.35.232.111

Registered

Report

ceejay

7. 15-04-2008 09:42

Sending you a HUG maddie!
It is SO tempting, the thought of hiding away from the world, but you can live to fight another day! Don't let them beat you down.

IP: 121.222.226.226

Registered

Report

scooby

PS Login

Main Menu

Participate

Articles and Info

Additional Stuff

Shout!!!

Who's Online