As most of you who have followed my blogs and threads know, I have a boyfriend of a little over 3 years.  He means everything to me. He is my world and I have done all that I possibly could to make him happy. We have had MANY ups and downs but somehow always end up with each other. He graduates this May and I am left behind because I am going to graduate late in Dec. of 08'. He is immediately moving to washington d.c. to go back with the place he had an internship with to work (NESA). They're offering him to start 40,000 salary and will help pay for his graduate school. That's a pretty good deal, I don't know who would turn that down. He was looking for jobs up where I am to try to be with me until i finish graduate school. It was the sweetest gesture and it really made my heart smile that he loved me that much he was willing to do that. but I know that his dream is washington and this will be a step stone and starting place to begin his adult life. I didn't want him to stay for me and I told him that. He had told me how much he would regret it and I couldnt' have that.  He told me for sure that he is going back to D.C. When he had his internship, things were crazy with us. Long distance is the hardest relationship to possibly work. We broke up for 1/2 a month down there until he was so miserable and we ended up working on things and salvaging stuff. We just had a huge talk last night of which I thought was just going to go along the lines of trying to stay positive and saying that we will try to make it work and if things don't end up working out then we'll go from there. But all last night was horrible. I was crying for 4 hours straight when we were talking about this stuff. And don't get me wrong, I love a nice cry, but not a 4 hour one. We both love each other SO much but he tells me he knows that the long distance wont work, he knows how he is and I know how he is. He doesn't have the energy for stuff. He hates the phone, etc etc. Deep down I feel like it wouldn't work either. How can 2 people that love each other so much have to break up??? I don't understand. None of us want to break up with each other but this is so confusing. I can't shake it off that mine and his time is limited and that when he graduates that he gone. I can picture our last time we are going to see each other and when we're saying goodbye and bam, I am instantly crying again...I think it is pointless to break up now when we have a month and a half left of school...I feel like it would really affect my school work and I feel like it would be so much harder to deal with a break up when he is living in the building right next to me than if we broke up when he was gone away to washington. Not to mention the fact that I DON'T WANT TO BREAK UP. And neither does he. But he feels like it is wrong to be with me when it's just "prolonging the inevitable". I could really use some advice because I really don't know what to do with myself. Why isn't love prevailing. Why are me and him having to go through this. It is really getting me down and I'm really depressed. I got no sleep last night practically at all. I feel like we wont enjoy the last month together because this will be in the back of our minds...I don't want him to distance himself either...this SUCKS, SO much...and it's just not fair. But how messed up is it to break up now when we both dont want to and when we both want to be with each other and love each other, we'll both be crying in our beds wanting to hold each other. This isn't right. I'm such a mess.  Not to mention I have a dentist appointment tomorrow to get 2 teeth drilled because I have 2 horrible cavaties and my panic is up the roof about getting it done...And then after all that! I have to DRIVE an hour back to school! God, I hate driving... :*( My panic always reminds me that it has a back seat no matter what I do.

Anyways, does anyone have advice or any soothing or comforting words to give me about my situation with my boyfriend. I feel so lost and I can't stand the thought of not having him in my life. He is my everything. Not to mention, my absolute BEST friend. I would be losing my whole heart. He is as much a part of me as my freaking hands are.. I'm going nuts...

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scooby said:

... I do know how you feel. I have been in similar situations before. But what I know now is, as painful as it was at the time, a break up does not have to be the end. It could go one of 2 ways - one, you both realise that you absolutely need each other, and you make the long distance work OR you both realise that being young and single is actually FUN, and you take time to learn who YOU are without your boyfriend. You don't have to "break up' - take it as it comes, and see how you both feel after being separated for a while. Enjoy being young and single!

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March 31, 2008
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maddie said:

... Rip, I agree with scooby. This may not be the end - after Lee has moved you may find a way to work it out. Young love is very intense and painful. You may find a lot of pressure off you when you have parted and actaully enjoy making new friends. You'll never forget him - no-one ever forgets their first real love, but love in school halls is very different from the type of enduring love that can cope with the world outside, houses, mortgages, jobs, kids. You both understand Lee has to put work and establishing himself first at the moment. I think you have to try to do the same. Concentrate on your course. If you do see him, enjoy that time. Try not to spoil it by crying or you will drive him away. The decision has not been easy for him and I'm sure he's hurting too. Try to be the strong one who can love enough to let go now - then it might not be permanent. (((((((hugs))))))) and love Maddie xxxxxxxx

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March 31, 2008
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rippelk2 said:

	... thanks scooby and maddie :) I really appreciate your advice. If anyone else has any advice I would be really grateful. I'm going through a pretty rough time.
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April 01, 2008
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