I’m kind of still in shock regarding the news about Heath Ledger.  I have been devouring the newspapers, internet and radio news all day.  I can’t believe it and it’s turned my day upside down.  Its one way to start the day I guess.  (It was first announced 730am Aussie time).  This is the bad thing about working for myself.  A distraction like this and I don’t have a boss trying to redirect my attention.  Who cares if I won’t make any money today?  I’m grieving, not as bad as if it were a family member or friend, but still a sense of loss.

One thing I wanted to let everyone know about is that my anxiety is so minimal at the moment that I may be able to say that it has returned to normal levels, and I've been able to cut down on the meds.  Maybe this will last.. I’m stating this cautiously.  What have I done to cause such a turn around?  I left my job.  I am no longer working for someone else.  I have a bit of money saved and I am living simply on a teeny weekly allowance less then half of what I was living on before, while I try to write.  I don’t have to be up at 6 every morning.  I don’t have to deal with other people’s temper tantrums, patients without their meds, aggressive, suicidal and generally unhappy people.  I don’t have to put up with the morning traffic, with answering 100 phone calls a day, with typing reports and letters, with doing a million little things that anyone else could do.  I don’t even need to know what day of the week it is J

It has been a month now and one of the hardest things I have realised was that after my two years of umming and ahhing and debating about when I should leave and whether people were trained up enough to take over when I eventually did walked away, none of it mattered.  I could have been anybody in that position.  It didn’t have to be me.  It was a dead end job with no prospects and I stayed a lot longer then any intelligent person would have.  But I have learnt and now I am living how I want to and I am supremely happy. 

Want a cure for anxiety?  Change your life!

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scooby said:

	... Golly Shazza, Heath Ledger. A huge shock and too too sad. You are so lucky to have the opportunity to change your life and it sounds like all is well. My job is stressing me totally at the moment - my psych says it's time for change in my life too. Life really is too short to run around in circles attending to the whims and whines of other people! You are brave - keep up the good work!
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January 23, 2008
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maddie said:

	... Well done :) I do wish I had your courage. I hate the place I am in now and long to change my life, but am too scared to do it. Hope it keeps going well for you :)
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January 23, 2008
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Kellybeth said:

	... I can't belive it about Heath Ledger. I too feel some sort of loss. I hate when people so young die. So so sad.
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January 23, 2008
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ceejay said:

... Hugs Sharyn - we're all in shock and sadness here too. My daughters view him as a 'peer' and I just loved his work on the screen. It is so, so sad. And yet, I am heartened by your blog and how you've made such a positive change in your life! Amazing isn't it, how really truly valuing our Self allows us to return to a semblence of normalcy, and we still accomplish a lot. I think it is wonderful that you are writing, and feeling. I am sure this kind of jolt that Heath Ledger's death has given, will find it's way into your creative life. This is a halthy and sustainable way to live - isn't it? Hugs and love!

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