Can't handle it

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Can't handle it

Monday, 21 February 2005

Posted by: haydensmom on Monday, February 21, 2005

I have been suffering from panic attacks for several years now. The first one, I was sleeping and woke up with my mind racing and heart beating out of my chest. I got out of the bed and went to the kitchen for some water. Then it hit me, I was having a heart attack.

I went to the bathroom and got some aspirin. I was so freaked out I had my clothes on and was ready to go to the hospital when I woke my husband up to take me. He told me to lay back down and just breath. Deep breaths, hold them and let it out slowly. OK so that worked for a few times. But then I was having PA's more often and I really thought I was going crazy.

I got pregnant with my first child in August 03. Everything was great till I realized I was going to have a baby and my whole life was getting ready to change. I was so scared to take my meds because I didn't know if it would hurt the baby, so I just had to deal with it on my on. That was very hard. I'm a worrier. I didn't think I would be a good mom and wife. I started back on the meds because the Doctor told me I had to because I was putting to much stress on the baby. I was on bed rest for 3 days after a bad PA.

I started seeing a councilor every week for several months then every other week til I was only going about 1 time every 6 weeks. I stopped taking the meds and was feeling very good. Then all of a sudden I started feeling a little shaky. When I told my husband I thought I was having a PA, it hit me hard. I couldn't do anything. I could not even pick my son up. I was afraid I would drop him. I do not eat when I feel like this. I haven't eaten in 2 days and my councilor will not be able to see me for 2 weeks. I feel like I'm a bad mom because I can't handle the way I feel and also take care of my 8 month old son. I hope that I can get my life back on track so I can enjoy my son.
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