Surviving is Essential!

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Surviving is Essential!

Thursday, 30 September 2004

Hi survivors! I'm Peggy, 48 years old married with 4 children and 14 grandchildren. I have been battling anxiety since October 15, 1980(date of my first attack) In March of 1979 I lost my first husband to a sudden cardiac death. Early one morning he complained of pain in his jaw and within a few minutes he had something called acute ventricular fibrillation.

I had just given birth to our second daughter in January of that year and we had a 4 year old daughter as well. That next week was like a blur and I walked around in a fog for several months after that not knowing what to do.I can remember feeling anxious and worried that I wouldn't be able to care for my children. At night I would re-live the events of that morning over in my mind.Seeing him die right in front of me was devastating and frightening. At night I would feel my heart beating so hard I began to get scared that I too would die leaving my children all alone.

After months of these thoughts going thru my mind I felt like I had to get out of the house and do something or I would surely go crazy. In March of the next year I met my present husband. But for some months after we began dating I just kept feeling overwhelming guilt that I had met someone so soon after my husband's death that the relationship was pretty strained.

Then came the dreaded first panic attack! I thought surely this was it I was going to die and leave my children to the mercy of the world. Well that attack was so bad I kept dreading the next one and of course that started the vicious cycle. After going to Dr. after Dr.and having ekg, holter monitor, blood tests, treadmill ect, you get the picture, I was given a clean bill of health.

Because my new beau had been so supportive , I began to feel much calmer and we were married in Dec.1981. The anxiety subsided for a few years with only occasional panic attacks and mild anxiety. I was able to have two more beautiful daughters in the next few years and it seemed like my life was beginning to be back to normal. But you know that dreaded anxiety will not let you be NORMAL.

So here I am all these years later with yet more anxiety and new symptoms cropping up when I've mastered my fear over the others. You can master the fear most of the time, but you have to be dilligent and work on it constantly. I have decided that I want to live until I die so I can't let this panic win. I am a 24 year SURVIVOR. Thanks so much for this site!
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