Panic Survivor

Hello everyone, I'm not doing so well at all. My dad has had a really hoarse throat for about a year now and it has only gotten worse. My dad will be 56 in july and he has a gorgeous voice and for the past year he has sounded like a old old man. Anyways, he didn't understand what was wrong with him so he called his doctors and had check ups but they never thought anything was wrong. He would read on his medictions that side effects said it could cause hoarseness, so he called the doctors and was like "hey my prescription says it may cause hoarseness" so then they're all "yeah well maybe try getting off of that for about 2 weeks and see if it gets better". WHAT THE F***********!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DO DOCTORS GET PAID FOR NOWADAYS!!!!!!!! so now months have passed and my dad finally just decided to go see a eyes nose and throat doctor who is a specialist. Mind you we don't have insurance and my parents are broke and I dont' know how they are going to pay for all of this :( I wish I could help them, but I'm in school and am barely paying my own bills. So the doctor said that he had nodules or something in his throat and they were going to remove it. It was removed and we've been waiting for 2 f****ING WEEKS to get the results back. So my dad went in for his check up today and he called me later telling me not to be alarmed but that his results did come back positive but that it was completely curable and the doctors are still deciding if he even needs radiation treatments. THEY BETTER F*ING GIVE HIM TREATMENTS! they BETTER! I will flip out, i like to be better safe then sorry. So everyone in my family is fine and no one is freaking out!? And i just don't understand?!?!?!?! The doctors said that he is in T1 stage and it's the best stage to be in. But i find it funny how people say the "best" stage to be in, IT'S CANCER, NO STAGE IS A GOOD STAGE! I don't know if the word cancer just scares me bc it has been implanted into our brains as something not good and something associated with death. And he told me not to look up anything from online because it was the doctors advice bc it only tells you the worst of the worst on the web. And what is the first thing that I do, I google it...... AND I START FREAKING OUT. I was hyperventilating, practically screaming crying histerically by myself. My boyfriend is on his way to NYC bc he won tickets to see david letterman and my roommates aren't here and I'm all by myself. I took a xanax but I'm freaking out. I ended up hanging up on my sister because she told me that I was being a drama queen and she can't believe how I'm acting because everything is going to be fine and that i'm overracting like usual and making my life worse. My dad is the most important person in my life. He is my hero and he is basically all I have. He is THE most important person to me and I can't imagine what life will ever be like once he passes. But I didnt' think i had to worry about that for a VERY long time to come. Me and my father are very close and he's one of my best friends. I'm so worried about him, i can't stop freaking out. Not to mention I have SO much on my plate right now!!! I don't know what to do with myself. I have papers due, paintings due, studying to do. I have FINALS next week! can you believe how my life works?!?!?! why does all this shit happen at once?! WHY WHY WHY!?!?!?!?!! I Want to screeeeaaammm on the top of my lungs and punch stuff and cry and shrink and dissapear! Not only am i dealing with the stress of finals but my freaking boyfriend of over 3 years is leaving CT to go to washington d.c. to start his career because he graduates in may. We're going to try make things work but he's been with me through everything and he's my love and I can't imagine how it's going to be with him gone. It's not like its a couple months, he's moving there for his career. He's going to be there for a while! My head is GOD DA*M MESSSSSSS and I don't know how to put anything in order. I need to do good in school and do good on my finals because if I do, I think I will finally get the 4.0 I've been trying so hard to achieve. why is this all happening now???!!!! I can't stop worrying about my dad. I want to leave here and just go home.

Does anyone know anything about larynx cancer, has anyone every experienced having it or know of anyone that has it? I could really use some support I am freaking out right now and my panic is NOT helping.

2. 05-05-2008 22:47

Rip... SLOW. Breathe.

All the word cancer means is an abnormal growth. Medically, a spot on your chin or a wart on your finger could be defined as a cancer.

There are 2 types of cancer - benign which is just a tissue growth that shouldn't be there - and malignant which is a growth that can spread and affect other organs.
T1 cells show the very early stages of cancer when it has not taken hold or caused problems elsewhere.

It sounds like your dad has the fist signs of a benign growth that can probably be reduced by medication or low dose radiation. My Dad had this treatment for a prostate growth. He was declared clear of any cancer 3 months ago after 18 months treatment. Benign growths don't invade surrounding tissue, so if your Dad does need an op to take it out, it should be easy enough - like taking a cyst out.

Medical sites have a legal duty to report all findings. So if only 1 person in a million reacts poorly they still have to list it as possible. Many so-called medical sites also are advertising treatments & clinics so word ther articles towards you wanting to use their services. Please stay away from google. If you want to know more, ask your doctor or your pharmacist. They won't be able to discuss your Dad but will give you reliable information about his type of condition.

My Dad had a short course of low dose radiation. He wasn't even sick with it. Then he had an implant every 3 months in his arm. The only side effect was that he was quite tired. I know you love your Dad very much Please try to stay calm for him. If he is tired or feeling ill you won't help him by being dramatic. He may feel too tired to deal with your feelings too babe. You have to try to be strong for him and let him use his energy to heal himself. The people who do really well through cancer are those who stay positive and fight it. Help him to do that if you can Rip. That's the best way for you to show your love for him.

He certainly won't want you to miss time from your studies right now with exams coming up. I suggest you work as hard as you can for him. He'll be so proud of you when you pass your finals.

I know Lee's leaving soon so this is a very emotional time. Try if you can to calm down and enjoy time with him before he goes.

PM me whenever you want.
(((HUGS)))

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maddie

3. 06-05-2008 02:52

Hi! First thing you should keep in mind is to relax, take a deep breath... and focus not to panic. Understand the things that are happening around you. Other people are not aware of what we are suffering from. And often times it add to the suffering of your dad. Take maddie's advice... Be calm to your dad's presence. It’s not only you who experienced these grave sufferings... Other people suffer more than you do... you may ask, why your dad? Why you are suffering from this freaking situation? Why you have this devil? Just surrender your suffering up above... He is the best medicine... I will pray for you and your dad... Be strong. We have a long road to walk through...

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Angel Tom

4. 06-05-2008 23:36

Dear one -- prayers and thoughts and peace are in my heart for you.

Cancer IS indeed scary! And for a lot of us, its worse if it is happening to someone we love. Like we could handle it better if it was us.

But your dad is wonderful to be up front with you, to not hide it or keep it from you! That shows how much he loves you, trusts you and trusts his doc. So let him keep you in the loop - don't you be adding your own narrative!!

Worry won't help you OR your dad! Do your best to focus on school, to trust in God, and to keep a positive outlook.

People DO recover from cancer. My husband has. My Aunt has. Listen to earthmama and maddie -- it is scary, but it is going to be okay!

We're all here for you - rant, rave and release here!!! It's safe and we care about you.

And put a prayer request in the forum for you dad - give us his name, let us all put him on our lists!!!

Know you are loved - you are not alone!! You'll get through finals, and you'll get through the fear, and your dad will be okay!

Hugs to you!

Cindy

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ceejay

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