I had a rough morning this morning. I woke up and something just didn’t feel right. Came to work and had a real “nice” panic attack. Not one of those attacks that is terrible and passes quickly, but one of those attacks that lasts over an hour and never quiet peaks. I just sat at my desk and kept to myself. But I was screaming on the inside. So loud that I can’t believe no one heard me.  Its like screaming under water as loud as you can and no one on the surface can hear you. That’s how I felt. I was losing my mind and no one knew any different.

Why is this happening to me? Why for the last 16 or so years of my life has everything I do or think revolve around this fear of…. of what? Fear of nothing. The fear of fear. A phobaphobia.  It is not normal to feel so afraid all the time. Sometimes I can just except it as part of who I am. And other times I just want to hide under the covers. But now that I think about it I would probably be afraid of the dark under there and have an attack under there. LOL. Stupid brain.

Comments (3)

1. 16-05-2008 20:08

"" Its like screaming under water as loud as you can and no one on the surface can hear you."" 
 
That's an amazing analogy Kellybeth. The fear that I'm losing my mind often terrifies me too. My partner is a mental health nurse manager. If it's any comfort, he says if you are losing your mind you don't know it. 
 
You did an amazing job this morning. You didn't fall apart. You got through. Well done

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