(First Part) Hi! I'm new at this site. I have been a survivor for two years now.

It all started when I lost my dad in 2000, then my mom the following year. Then my wife followed a few years later. All of them from heart attack. From that time on, I hate to see blood; I hate to see people or any one who is suffering from anything... When I do, I just start to sweat real cold... palpitate... starts to feel dizzy and unrealistic chest pain... And do you know where I work? In the emergency room of the hospital! Can you imagine the devastation and sufferings I have to face everyday of my life? Then I lost myself. For the next six month, I never left my house for anything. No being aware of it. All I do is to watch the local news, discovery channel and national geographic. I became an alcoholic but never on drugs. I know there are people who experienced much worst than what I did. But the thing is... I survived. How? I say by God's mercy and grace. The devil is gone.

It's not that it’s all gone... The devil is still there from time to time... making a call... Like what we know, when you start to think when it will happen. Then the devil appears and starts to attack. I can say that every one of us has its own sign or symptoms before it happen. For me, that is one... When I start to think, when it will happen, it will start. It's out there... Sometimes, it just starts by itself... But when it knocks, all I say to myself is,”Stop. It’s not good for you... It is sickening...” I start to meditate and by God's mercy; it does not continue... It’s really hard to have this devil but I learned to deal with it.

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