Panic Survivor

My parents were divorced when I was 12 years old. Shortly after that my dad had a one night stand with a woman he worked with. She got pregnant and had a son. The child’s mom sent a copy of the paternity records to my mother’s house when he was 6 months old. That is the only reason I knew this child existed.

Through the years my full brother and I questioned my father about Daniel. But all our questions were left unanswered. My Dad got remarried and had 2 more children. Now there are 5 of us. All separate.

So a lot of time has passed and I kept thinking about the brother that I never got the chance to know. As his 18^th birthday was coming up I decided it was time. My full brother found his address and I sent him a letter. 2 days later I received an email from him.

He said he was aware that he had 2 brothers and 2 sisters. But like us, every time he asked about it he was brushed off and not answered. I don’t know why my Father kept this all a secret but he has.

I have been emailing my “new” brother everyday for the last 2 weeks and we have plans to meet for lunch tomorrow. I feel very scared and nervous over this whole thing. I’m glad that I found him but I have mixed feelings as well.

He is 1 of 5 children but grew up as an only child. I’m excited to meet him. But I’m also mad at my father. I know that when my dad finds out I have contacted him he is gonna flip. I feel like my dad has cheated me and Daniel out of 18 years of family.

I hope this can be the start of something. I have a very tiny family. My other siblings live out of state. My younger brother and sister are l4 and 12 years old and don’t really know me as they haven’t lived in Buffalo for 10 years. My full brother lives in Las Vegas. And now I find out that my other brother lives 11 miles from my house!!!

1. 28-03-2008 19:25

I really know how you feel, Kellybeth. I was adopted. I knew that I had a full brother but no-one would talk about him or why we were seperated. 5 years ago I found him. He was so angry that we had been kept apart all our lives.
I also discovered that I have another 6 half sisters and a half brother as well as a half brother and sister who died. I have met everyone and now have a huge family!
I hope that you like each other and stay in touch. No matter how mad your Dad gets, he had no right to keep you apart. Good luck

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maddie

2. 28-03-2008 19:41

Dear Kellybeth -

This is exciting news!! As with so much of life it has it's downside too: all that angst around your dad.

But I think it is time for you and Daniel to do your best to leave all that aside. You two have a lot to catch up with, you have some real fun and wonderful heart-time ahead of you!!

This reminds me of a lot of the way I dealt with Panic and Anxiety -- sure, there was some fear, and some trepidation but every time I took that flight, or drove on that trip, or whatever I did to increase my horizons, to risk relationship and to deepen my involvement with the world I was ALWAYS glad I did it!!

So, focus on you and your brother. Don't focus on your Dad! Just on what you two have!

For what it's worth, my dad thought for his whole life that he was the oldest of 3 kids. When he was 55 he found out he had 1 older sister (out of wedlock) and 6 brothers and sisters by his fathers seventh wife!! (His dad had left when my dad was 10). So we had quite a time meeting and getting to know all these folks.

Focusing on his Dad would have kept us all from enjoying the people that make up our family.

Good luck - please do let us know how it all goes!!!

Hugs,

Cindy

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ceejay

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